How do we find wholeness after betrayal? By realizing that we are the same person that existed before the betrayal – with the same values, talents and gifts. We have not changed in that regard – we are the same core person inside.

However, our hearts were broken – our view of a world that made sense shattered. We cannot escape those truths and the intense pain that resulted. We are forever opened up to realizations we would have rather stayed blind to. Ignorance is bliss. Yet in the space of the betrayal is an invitation for us to grow beyond the pain and the agony.

Wholeness is found through choices. We can go into a state of victimhood – or we can choose to not let what happened take us down. We can choose to rise above the pettiness and look at things from a higher perspective and then act from that higher place. We do not have to lower ourselves into the muck of someone else’s choices. We can hold our space and not be thrown off balance. That is the challenge.

We need to feel the feelings – yes. That is so important for healing. Let them move through us. Write about them – cry with them – learn from them – honor them. Our feelings will inform us of the places that need healing. It is important to take as much time as needed to work through them.

Our view of the world has changed – yes – and maybe that is a good thing. Maybe we are more aware now – maybe we are wiser. Maybe we have learned to give trust only when trust is earned. We will continue to love and show kindness – yes, but from a place of discernment. We will know that our needs are just as important as another’s needs -and we will look to never abandon ourselves again. That is our healing journey.

And maybe we will have more compassion for those that suffer betrayal or any other of life’s challenges. We can reach out to them and let them know we are fellow travelers on the journey – not to share victim stories, but to encourage them and empower them to embrace these challenges as a way to grow into a more whole human being.